


Fear and Loathing

by mannana



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-23
Updated: 2014-08-23
Packaged: 2018-02-14 10:30:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2188404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mannana/pseuds/mannana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bethyl one shot</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fear and Loathing

Beth was pissed. Every fiber of her body was tired and her nerves were shot.  
  
Daryl paced.  
  
The past few weeks had been going so smoothly that she really should have seen the storm clouds on the horizon. And today the storm hit and it hit hard. Daryl had built up every wall she had so carefully taken down brick by brick, but now she was cemented out. Left in the rain. She could see his edges fraying more and more as he paced, all the pieces crumbling inside his chest, and him desperately trying to replace them.  
  
But she wasn’t going to cry, no, she was too angry to cry.  
  
  
  
She had noticed it starting early that morning. Once the sun came up he bolted from camp to the trees, his crossbow bumping off his hip as he walked.  
  
“Need to hunt.” He mumbled and staggered off without looking back.  
  
She laid confused for a moment, because Daryl normally would ask her to come along.  
  
 _“You need the practice, keep your skills up,”_ He’d say while biting at his thumb out of nervous habit.  
  
But they both knew the real reason he wanted her to come along.  
  
He couldn’t stand the thought of her being alone. Even if she wasn’t alone at all. The entire group had been reunited, but Daryl wouldn’t let her out of his eye sight.  
  
She knew it was mostly his own fear and guilt over her being taken that held him near, but part of her knew it was something else. Something more.  
  
The way he squinted when he’d look at her like he was looking into the sun and the way he’d gently touch her back, so gently like she may break if he used any form of pressure, when he had no reason to do so, other than he just wanted to.  
  
She knew.  
  
She knew it scared the shit out of him too. Which was why she’d never broached the subject.  
  
She couldn’t work up the nerve to do so anyway.  
  
 _“The signs are all there, you just gotta know how to read ‘em”_  
  


 

But what if she’d been reading the signs all wrong?  
  
And that’s when it all made sense.  
  
She scared him.  
  
  
  
When he returned from his hunt he carried a small doe on his back. The group was excited and hungry, so preparations for a meal began quickly. But Beth sat out just watching as her family worked. She watched Daryl pretend she wasn’t there, trying his damnedest not to glance over at her.  
  
Everyone ate, and everyone got full. It was like Thanksgiving.  
  
“Daryl, thank you for this,” Rick said and the rest of the group nodded in agreement. He blushed and mumbled something about it just being a deer, nothing to get sappy about, and they all laughed.  
  
It should have been a perfect night.

 

  
  
  
  
"I put a bullet through your mom’s head, Beth!" Daryl bellowed, making her flinch back into the present.  
  
She was not ready to hear him say it out loud.  
  
'You think I don't know that? You think I don't see it every time I close my damn eyes? What the hell do you think my nightmares are about? You think I forgot my mother turned?!” She said in disbelief.  
  
"Then what do you want from me? To say I’m sorry?" He spat back at her, but she didn’t back down. Not one centimeter.  
  
"No, I want you to stop pretending everything that’s happened to us is your fucking fault!" She shoved him with both hands and he stepped right back towards her.  
  
"I’ve got blood on my hands that won’t ever wash away!" He growled and held his dirt covered hands in the air before clenching them into fists and dropping them to his sides.  
  
"So do I!" She retorted.  
  
"Don’t.” He pointed at her, “That’s not the same. I killed your fucking mother! Don’t you understand that? I’m a fucking monster!" He turned away from her, glaring into the trees. He was shaking with anger and fear.  
  
"That wasn’t my mother." She said softly.  
  
He spun around fast, so fast she’d barely seen him move. But his face was only inches away from her now, and she could feel every damn emotion rolling off him. This wasn’t anger. It was fear and guilt. Self-loathing and self-hate.   
  
"LISTEN TO ME, for once god damn it! I don’t want you! I don’t want to be with you! I just want to be left the fuck alone!" He stammered and stuttered and she swore she could see his heart shatter. His eyes glassed over with unshed tears  
  
Beth glared. Every muscle in her body twitched.  
  
"I can’t." she whispered.  
  
Daryl groaned and put his head in his hands.  
  
"Why?" He asked before he could think better of it and moved his hands just enough to look at her.  
  
"Because I love you, Daryl.” Her voice was soft, and the anger seemed to evaporate as she said it.  
  
“Even if you’re a monster. Even if that blood won’t wash away.” She grabbed his hand and held it tight so he couldn’t pull away. (He didn’t try.) “I love you. And I know good and god damn well you love me too. So stop with this pushing me away bullshit and kiss me.”  
  
And he did.  
  
She wasn’t ready for the intensity of the kiss or the way his lips over powered hers. He was desperately trying to taste the words off her tongue. His hands clenched tightly into her hair, pulling her close as humanly possible. The tears he tried so hard to hide spilled down his cheeks and dripped onto her skin.  
  
“I don’t deserve you,” He whispered every time their lips separated.  
  
She grasped his neck trying to keep from falling backwards, but he just wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her flush to his body, keeping all her weight in his arms.  
  
She could feel his heart racing under her palms; it matched the pounding of hers. And soon, too soon, the kiss was over and they both stared at each other panting with no idea what to do next.

  
  
But then his eyes grew pained and he stepped away from her, his eyes focusing on his feet. He pushed a palm against his eyes, wiping away the sweat and tears before he spoke.   
  
“How can you forgive me for doing something like that? I could never forgive someone if they...”  
  
“I haven’t forgiven you.” She said simply. His eyes snapped up to hers with wild fear beginning to perk. “Because I never blamed you to begin with.”


End file.
